I always said I'd be completely open with my kids...if they were old enough to ask, I would tell them whatever they wanted to know. Little did I know my first child would be ridiculously intelligent with an insatiable need to understand EVERYTHING in her world.
Sometimes it was just a little uncomfortable for me, like when she asked about periods at 2 1/2 in a public bathroom. No big deal, but I wasn't exactly prepared with a speech. We covered the basics, and I explained what tampons were and why mommy needed them sometimes. (and no, mommy wasn't putting them in her bootie-- can you please use your quiet voice?!?)
Sometimes I was proud of her thirst for knowledge, like when she wanted to know how babies got out of tummys at age 3. It would have probably scared the wits out of a ten year old, but at 3 she just said, "Oh, they come out of va-jay-jays. I wondered how they came out." Though of course it didn't end there, because she has to think through everything until it makes perfect sense to her, so she came back a minute later and asked if it hurt the baby to come out that way. Did it hurt the mommy? Was there blood? How does the baby eat and drink while it's inside? How does it breathe? ...I was impressed with her reasoning, and not uncomfortable with the subject matter so we talked all about it-- she's probably more informed on the matter than most pre-teens are.
Which lead a few months later with a subject that made me break my own rule of "if they're old enough to ask..." How babies are made. I gave the generic answer, that it takes a mommy and a daddy. Of course that wasn't enough for her, and she asked, "But HOW?" So I told her that Daddy had a seed and Mommy had an egg, and when they were put together a baby was made. (Again, I didn't have a speech prepared about sex for my three year old.) Still not happy with the answer, she asked, "WHERE are the seed and egg?" Uh....In Mommy and Daddy's bodies. (not done yet) "Well how does Daddy get his seed to Mommy's egg?"...which is where I cut it off and broke my rule. I told her that we'd talk more about it when she got a little older. I was actually fine with going the whole nine yards, but I didn't really want her telling all of her friends things they didn't need to know and probably had never thought about. Yikes.
Lately her inquisitive mind has brought us both to tears... like when she heard that sea turtles live longer than humans. She thought about that for a while, and then asked how long humans lived. I told her about 100 years. She said, "You mean I'm going to die?" (tears begin here-- for both of us) I tried to tell her that she had a LONG LONG time before she needed to think about that, which made her realize that I was older than her, which made her ask if I was going to die. Ugh. I felt a huge temptation to tell her no, that we would both live forever and our lives would be filled with candy and puppies and laughter... but she's too smart to fall for that, and I don't want to shield her from life, I just want to hold her while she finds out the bad things. Well that's a lie. At that moment I very much wanted to shield her, but I didn't. I told her that all people die, but they live a LONG LONG time, and they get to be babies, then kids, then teenagers, then mommies, then grandmas, then great-grandmas.... and we agreed that she could start worrying about people dying when she turned 40. Unfortunately I'm sure she'll hear soon about a child or mommy dying, and we'll have to talk about that... but the fact that people die at all was enough sadness for one day.
Which brings us to our most recent conversation (about an hour ago), where she, at almost 4, figured out that not all mommies and daddies stay married to each other. It began out of the blue-- I think Shrek was on in the car, but obviously her little mind was somewhere else. "Mommy, Papa is your Dad and Grammy is your mom, right?" I told her of course, she's known that for years. "But who is Grammy's husband?" she asked. I told her she knew who Grammy's husband was, but I could already see where she was going with this. "Well, Grandpa Dennis is Grammy's husband, but shouldn't Papa be? Grandpa Dennis isn't your dad." she told me. I took a moment deciding how to procede with this... I really have no excuse for not having thoughts prepared on every subject matter imaginable by now-- I should know she's going to ask, but somehow she keeps catching me unprepared. I decided she'll know kids with divorced parents soon enough, so I might as well tell her. I told her that Grammy and Papa were married, and they had Aunt Fifi and me, but then they decided they didn't want to be married anymore, so they got a divorce. Lots of years later, Grammy married Grandpa Dennis. I told her that some married people didn't stay married forever, then I reassured her that mommy and daddy loved each other very,very much and we would always be married. She asked, "You mean we'll always be a family?" (thanks to pregnancy I'm tearing up at this point) and I told her "Mommy PROMISES. I will always love your daddy, and we will always be a family. Mommy and Daddy are never, EVER getting a divorce." To which she replied, "Oh, okay." and happily began singing along with Shrek. I'm glad she recovered so well, but I need a nap. :)
Sometimes it was just a little uncomfortable for me, like when she asked about periods at 2 1/2 in a public bathroom. No big deal, but I wasn't exactly prepared with a speech. We covered the basics, and I explained what tampons were and why mommy needed them sometimes. (and no, mommy wasn't putting them in her bootie-- can you please use your quiet voice?!?)
Sometimes I was proud of her thirst for knowledge, like when she wanted to know how babies got out of tummys at age 3. It would have probably scared the wits out of a ten year old, but at 3 she just said, "Oh, they come out of va-jay-jays. I wondered how they came out." Though of course it didn't end there, because she has to think through everything until it makes perfect sense to her, so she came back a minute later and asked if it hurt the baby to come out that way. Did it hurt the mommy? Was there blood? How does the baby eat and drink while it's inside? How does it breathe? ...I was impressed with her reasoning, and not uncomfortable with the subject matter so we talked all about it-- she's probably more informed on the matter than most pre-teens are.
Which lead a few months later with a subject that made me break my own rule of "if they're old enough to ask..." How babies are made. I gave the generic answer, that it takes a mommy and a daddy. Of course that wasn't enough for her, and she asked, "But HOW?" So I told her that Daddy had a seed and Mommy had an egg, and when they were put together a baby was made. (Again, I didn't have a speech prepared about sex for my three year old.) Still not happy with the answer, she asked, "WHERE are the seed and egg?" Uh....In Mommy and Daddy's bodies. (not done yet) "Well how does Daddy get his seed to Mommy's egg?"...which is where I cut it off and broke my rule. I told her that we'd talk more about it when she got a little older. I was actually fine with going the whole nine yards, but I didn't really want her telling all of her friends things they didn't need to know and probably had never thought about. Yikes.
Lately her inquisitive mind has brought us both to tears... like when she heard that sea turtles live longer than humans. She thought about that for a while, and then asked how long humans lived. I told her about 100 years. She said, "You mean I'm going to die?" (tears begin here-- for both of us) I tried to tell her that she had a LONG LONG time before she needed to think about that, which made her realize that I was older than her, which made her ask if I was going to die. Ugh. I felt a huge temptation to tell her no, that we would both live forever and our lives would be filled with candy and puppies and laughter... but she's too smart to fall for that, and I don't want to shield her from life, I just want to hold her while she finds out the bad things. Well that's a lie. At that moment I very much wanted to shield her, but I didn't. I told her that all people die, but they live a LONG LONG time, and they get to be babies, then kids, then teenagers, then mommies, then grandmas, then great-grandmas.... and we agreed that she could start worrying about people dying when she turned 40. Unfortunately I'm sure she'll hear soon about a child or mommy dying, and we'll have to talk about that... but the fact that people die at all was enough sadness for one day.
Which brings us to our most recent conversation (about an hour ago), where she, at almost 4, figured out that not all mommies and daddies stay married to each other. It began out of the blue-- I think Shrek was on in the car, but obviously her little mind was somewhere else. "Mommy, Papa is your Dad and Grammy is your mom, right?" I told her of course, she's known that for years. "But who is Grammy's husband?" she asked. I told her she knew who Grammy's husband was, but I could already see where she was going with this. "Well, Grandpa Dennis is Grammy's husband, but shouldn't Papa be? Grandpa Dennis isn't your dad." she told me. I took a moment deciding how to procede with this... I really have no excuse for not having thoughts prepared on every subject matter imaginable by now-- I should know she's going to ask, but somehow she keeps catching me unprepared. I decided she'll know kids with divorced parents soon enough, so I might as well tell her. I told her that Grammy and Papa were married, and they had Aunt Fifi and me, but then they decided they didn't want to be married anymore, so they got a divorce. Lots of years later, Grammy married Grandpa Dennis. I told her that some married people didn't stay married forever, then I reassured her that mommy and daddy loved each other very,very much and we would always be married. She asked, "You mean we'll always be a family?" (thanks to pregnancy I'm tearing up at this point) and I told her "Mommy PROMISES. I will always love your daddy, and we will always be a family. Mommy and Daddy are never, EVER getting a divorce." To which she replied, "Oh, okay." and happily began singing along with Shrek. I'm glad she recovered so well, but I need a nap. :)
